I AM SO MAD AT MY DAD!! I Need Help?

so im 14 a guy i have panic attacks and mild depression... My dad has promised me numerous times that it would be just me and him for a weekend and that his fiance, she doesnt live with us cause she has a daughter... he has broken promises like these numerious time around 10 usually because she "invites her self over" it makes me so mad my dad was off all the holidays but worked on the house any ignored me when shes over they ignore me so i will usually be in my room on my laptop or in our basment playing xbox. then i will ask hey y did u ignore me he says your being unsociable (how u ignore me so i go do what i want). he is off monday i go back to school then i asked if i could stay home so i could spend time with him. and yesterday i was mad at my dad i was crying i was so upset ( he said she wouldnt be over till friday She came thursday then he said ok since shes here thursday she wont be satureday) so i went to talk to him he told me she would be i got mad told him to F*** Off then he makes me feel as tho he cares more about here than me. Then he goes and tells her i was upset she comes to my room(door closed) barges in starts sweraing and then she said CUT YOUR F***ing BULLS***< IF YOU WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM THEN GRAB A BOARD GAME AND GO DOWN STAIRS!!!!!! I started balling i phoned my real mom i was so upset i wanted to commit Sucide i wanted to punch a knife blade wanted to cut my self did i no but i was so upset i dont live with mom but i see here usually every day. WHAT SHOULD I DO I CANT TAKE IT MY PANIC ATTACKS ARE WORST I WANT TO JUST..... I dont know Leave this earth u know it just my lifes screwed up from dad and my mom(past issues)