Social Anxiety / Panic attack very long but please help if you can?

Exactly 2 weeks ago I had a SEVERE panic attack. It was on June 20th which would of been my x-boyfriend who I had dated for 5 years and now just kinda friends 29th Birthday. Unfort. he ped away on June 21st 2008. He was murdered. So he got murdered the day after his Birthday. So anyways on the 20th I had a severe panic attack. Then on the 21st I had another intense panic attack. Then off and on I would get small little attacks. I take xanax when I need to. Any ways on July 4th which would of made 2 weeks since my 1st bad attack I went to watch fireworks with my husband and had another severe panic attack. It came out of NOWHERE! I was having a great time, not thinking about anything and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. Well we got home finally and I lied down for a nap. I feel a little bit better now but I just found out through email my mother has pnemonia. And that she may have to stay in the hospital. And I'm petrified of even going out of this house again because of my attacks. They usually occur when I'm not home. So now Im scared about my mother and I may have to go and visit her in the hospital. Well I'm beyond scared that I will have another panic attack. I know I need to be put on some sort of medicine that helps control them like paxil, or prozac. Zoloft makes me super manic so that isn't an option. But as of now I don't have the money to see a doctor let alone get on any meds for it. My Question is or advice... How can I control these attacks from hitting? I just am really scared to have another one because they are so scary. Thanks for anyone who reads this and has advice for me!